March 27, 2018
Here's the mom joke I sent Daniel today: A photon arrives at the airport. When the person working the desk asks if he has any bags to check he replies: "I don't have any, I'm traveling light!"
Daniel's response: LOL A mom joke PLUS a Physics joke? Hilarious!
The part he doesn't know is that I'm stealing these from Kevin. Kevin sends these silly groan jokes to his kids called Dad jokes. I thought I should adapt them to mom jokes and send them to Daniel. He is loving them. If you hear any "groaners" please let me know because I'm already used up. I'll have to search the internet.
Daniel has the best attitude ever. He still goes through periods of intense pain and does ask for pain meds but man, he endures a lot. His esophagus and his intestines are basically collapsing. The muscles are just not working well enough to help him digest his food. Some days they work well and he is not in much pain, other days they play hell within him and give him excruciating pain. Hospice taught me yesterday how to load a needle into a sub q IV and then inject into his arm to calm him, if his pain is really severe I can then inject as much meds as needed to quite the pain, it may quite more than the pain.
Not sure I'm ready for this but Daniel is at peace with all of this, he has made his peace with death and lives one day at a time. Talk about a Bodhisattva in our midst. He is here to enlighten all of us about love and truly being present every single day. He has been my teacher for years.
Thank you for reading.
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Much love.
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Monday, March 26, 2018
March 27, 2018
This post is the first one I am going to publish. It's late, I'm tired. This blog is about love, and it's about grief. I begged to be a mother. One day, my deepest calling came true and a baby boy was literally handed to me, I was asked if I wanted him, my eyes were overflowing with tears, and I uttered, "yes".
So began my journey of motherhood. One I will always feel honored to have experienced, every single step. Even the ones I definitely slipped and fell onto the ground, but I adored each as a blessing of the great universe and the sensation of the universal motherhood. I realize all this may sound full of sappy, hippy, language but my heart is so open and yet so very tender while I sit on the brink of not being a mother any second, any day, any month. I have at least earned the right to be sappy.
It began around 5 AM on October 22, 1986 when Shawndra called me and told me it was time to meet her at the hospital. I was so nervous, was this really going to work? What if Shawndra changed her mind? What if something happened and the birth father wouldn't sign over custody, what if....? Shawndra was, and still is, an incredibly strong woman who keeps her word and knows when her mind is made up. Yes, we are still in contact and we have a bond, like no other. We know we love each other forever. She is the person who gave me the gift of motherhood. She is Daniel's birth mother and she made many selfless sacrifices to give her son the best possible life she could give him. I swore to her I would do the same. Shawndra's mother held Daniel first, then handed Daniel to Shawndra, Shawndra handed Daniel to me. It may have been the most emotional birthing room in Community Hospital but to me it was the most beautiful day ever. My faithful Bonner friends were bringing champagne to celebrate in the nursery! Daniel was welcomed into the world first by 3 loving women then into the world of loving friendship. He was so loved from the very first day.
Daniel arrived home to his adoring Goddess-sisters, Briana and Alyssa. They are each 3 years apart, including Daniel, so Briana was 6, Alyssa 3 when The Boy arrived, that was pretty exciting and the girls had to join in on the mothering, more loving upon loving from the girls and our great friends, Daniel's God parents Lesley Morrow and Rex Young.
Things change in life, as I studied Buddhism and continue to do so, one thing I have learned is Change is all there is. When doors seem to slam shut, new ones usually open up and all for the better in the end.
I'm giving you some background for key players so in future episodes you can keep up the characters.
Daniel was diagnosed at age 7 with Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy and we were told he would not live past 15 years of age. He is now 31 years old and is on Hospice since December 25. 2017.
My heart is splitting into pieces.
This post is the first one I am going to publish. It's late, I'm tired. This blog is about love, and it's about grief. I begged to be a mother. One day, my deepest calling came true and a baby boy was literally handed to me, I was asked if I wanted him, my eyes were overflowing with tears, and I uttered, "yes".
So began my journey of motherhood. One I will always feel honored to have experienced, every single step. Even the ones I definitely slipped and fell onto the ground, but I adored each as a blessing of the great universe and the sensation of the universal motherhood. I realize all this may sound full of sappy, hippy, language but my heart is so open and yet so very tender while I sit on the brink of not being a mother any second, any day, any month. I have at least earned the right to be sappy.
It began around 5 AM on October 22, 1986 when Shawndra called me and told me it was time to meet her at the hospital. I was so nervous, was this really going to work? What if Shawndra changed her mind? What if something happened and the birth father wouldn't sign over custody, what if....? Shawndra was, and still is, an incredibly strong woman who keeps her word and knows when her mind is made up. Yes, we are still in contact and we have a bond, like no other. We know we love each other forever. She is the person who gave me the gift of motherhood. She is Daniel's birth mother and she made many selfless sacrifices to give her son the best possible life she could give him. I swore to her I would do the same. Shawndra's mother held Daniel first, then handed Daniel to Shawndra, Shawndra handed Daniel to me. It may have been the most emotional birthing room in Community Hospital but to me it was the most beautiful day ever. My faithful Bonner friends were bringing champagne to celebrate in the nursery! Daniel was welcomed into the world first by 3 loving women then into the world of loving friendship. He was so loved from the very first day.
Daniel arrived home to his adoring Goddess-sisters, Briana and Alyssa. They are each 3 years apart, including Daniel, so Briana was 6, Alyssa 3 when The Boy arrived, that was pretty exciting and the girls had to join in on the mothering, more loving upon loving from the girls and our great friends, Daniel's God parents Lesley Morrow and Rex Young.
Things change in life, as I studied Buddhism and continue to do so, one thing I have learned is Change is all there is. When doors seem to slam shut, new ones usually open up and all for the better in the end.
I'm giving you some background for key players so in future episodes you can keep up the characters.
Daniel was diagnosed at age 7 with Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy and we were told he would not live past 15 years of age. He is now 31 years old and is on Hospice since December 25. 2017.
My heart is splitting into pieces.
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